The Gun in Thailand that Made Zee Piss his Pants... Almost
During the month I spent in Thailand I took a five day trip to the northern most point of Thailand in the Chiangrai province. It was on my trip to Chaingrai that I saw fields of opium, stayed in a hut that backed up to a whore house, and went to the Golden Triangle. The Golden Triangle is the area in southeast Asia where Thailand, Burma, and Laos meet and was named the Golden Triangle because it was the area that produced the most amount of opium in the world. In 1999 when I was in Thailand it was no longer legal to grow opium but it was still grown in some areas of Thailand and was commonly grown in Burma. While there my group decided to take a day trip to Burma because although everything is cheap in Thailand its even cheaper in Burma.
Burma is not a very stable country to this day and nor was it stable in 1999. There were a number of groups that claimed to be the official government including one military group that was lead by a 12 year old boy. I think they were referencing this in the movie "Tropic Thunder" if you have seen that movie.
My group consisted of two other Americans, three Thais, and myself. We stopped at a bank to get cash before we crossed the bridge that went over the river dividing Thailand from Burma. I could see the bridge from the bank and as the others got money out of the bank I stood outside and watched as people freely walked each way over the bridge. As I walked with my group across the bridge I walked along the edge and looked down at the rushing river that was below. I heard shouting but I didn't think anything of it at first since I could understand a word of it. We were just over halfway across the bridge and I realized the rest of my group had stopped moving and I was now at the front of the group. The shouting got louder and when I looked up I saw four men in military uniforms running at us from the Burma side of bridge with what looked like AK47's raised and aimed at us. The first one ran directly at me, I looked back at my group and they all had their hands raised in the air so I raised my hands in the air as well.
The first man stopped about five feet away from me with his gun aimed at my chest and shouted something. I kept my hands raised and said, "I'm sorry, I don't understand." The next two did the same thing to the other Americans and the fourth shouted the most and moved his gun around pointing it at all of us. It felt I stood there in confusion for hours with a gun pointed at me but in reality it was probably only seconds. Everyone in our group looked terrified but the oldest Thai gentleman started talking the the individual that was doing most of the shouting who seemed to be in charge. He then explained to the group that the toll to cross the bridge was 20 USD.
The entire time we stood there people walked past us and continued on towards Burma without paying any toll but I was more then willing to pay the toll. They lead our entire group across the bridge never lowering their guns. We went into a guard shack on the other side where we each gave 20 USD to the leader. Once we had paid the 'toll' they lowered their guns and the leader shouted another order. It was obvious that he did not understand the concept of an inside voice. It was translated to me that we could leave now but based on his tone and body language I believe he told us to get the fuck out.
Okay, I didn't actually piss my pants but I think that if I had not just used the bathroom I probably would have not only pissed my pants but also shat them as well.
