Story Time with Zee 3/10/09 - Date with a Crack Whore

I have used a number of online dating sites with varied success. The one that I have used for the longest is www.plentyoffish.com because it is free. The problem with plentyoffish (POF) is that there are a lot of uneducated and unintelligent women there. It had occurred to me that what I liked best about the site, being free, may be resulting in the less then desirable population that is there. A friend of mine suggested Match.com and so I checked it out. In general the women on Match.com were appeared a lot more educated so I signed up and started contacting women. After a month or so I had absolutely no responses. Then one Sunday I had a woman contact me so I was excited. She didn't have a picture which means at least one of a few things. She is insecure, she is ugly, or wants a guy who is primarily attracted to her mind not her body. We sent a few messages back and forth then she asked if I wanted to meet her at a local bar that night and I agreed to meet her.

Nine times out of ten a women who doesn't post a picture is not very attractive looking so I was happy to see that she was pretty. We talked for a while and were making some connections and we started talking about tattoos. She had a number of tattoos which I find attractive. She had a tribal band on her arm around the number 28 and I asked the significance of the number 28. She explained that it was her high school boyfriend's football number. I responded with, "At least its not his name." It was at that point that she pulled her hair to the side revealing "Steve" tattooed on her neck. Awkward. I wish this was the most disturbing point in the date.

We continued to talk and she said that she wanted to be completely honest with me. I'm all about honesty and I told her that I would appreciate that. She told me that she has used drugs in the past but she stopped using. I told her that wasn't a big deal to me and that I've used drugs in the past as well. She asked about the last time that I used and I told her how it was about ten years ago and explained to her why I quit. I asked her when the last time she used was and her response, "I smoked a little crack this morning." Awkward. I really wanted to tell her that she has to stop using for at least 24 hours before she can claim she quit.

I had just paid for another round of beers before she told me about her current crack addiction even though she claimed she quit. Granted it was dollar beer night but I paid for my beer and I was going to finish it before I left. When I finished my beer I was ready to give the, "It was nice to meet you. Don't call me. Good luck with life." talk but she asked me a question before I could give the talk. "Zee, will you take me to buy some crack." Ahh.... no. "Okay, I understand. Can you spot me $20 and I'll get it and meet you back here." Ahh... no. "Its kewl Zee I understand. Will you wait here for me while I go walk the streets till I can make $20 to buy crack?" Ahh... Fuck no. Good luck prostituting yourself tonight. Buh-bye. Awkward. Thinking back, at least she didn't ask me to pay to have sex with her... that was some what respectful of her.

Zee's Scare Tonight

When I had an AK-47 pointed at my chest on my way to Burma I was truly scared. When February gripped his shovel showing intentions of beating me with it I was truly scared. When a group of men with machetes tried to stop my car in the Dominican I was truly scared. Tonight, I was truly scared.

My neighbor send me a text message when I was at work reminding me that she was having a celebration for her birthday at the gay club tonight starting at 9:00 and she wanted me to be there. I got there closer to 10:00 and walked around expecting to see the neighbors that I usually see there. Instead I saw primarily women, a few of which were dressed like men. That's not uncommon but these women were taking it a few steps further and had drawn on facial hair and what not. I didn't see anyone I knew and got a number of dirty looks from women as I glanced from table to table looking for a familiar face. I then noticed the sign... Friday is Drag King night. I sent texts to a couple of the people I expected to see and told them where I was and asked where they would be. They responded with they would be there shortly.

Normally in that situation I would find a table with people at it that didn't seem engaged with each other. I'd approach the table tell them I'm waiting for friends, tell a few jokes, and maybe a story or two and make new friends. I have not and I will not approach people like that at the gay bar. A lot of women there don't just prefer the company of women they truly dislike men. Men there may or may not get the wrong idea if I did that and I wouldn't chance it to find out.

I tried to just play it cool and stand on the wall and people watch, which is one of my favorite things to do. I continued to get dirty looks from women and decided to just look at the floor and wait. A woman 'bumped' into me and when I looked up she said, "What the fuck?!?!?!" I was scared. There is no way I wanted to get my ass beat by a bunch of women. I will not hit a woman even if she is beating the shit out of me.

"I am sorry, my bad." Was my reply. She didn't look satisfied... she just stood there staring me down. I looked around. I'm not sure if I was looking for help or looking for the nearest exit. If I had made it to an exit I'm sure I could out run her. Screaming like a woman and running like a man is often a very effective way to avoid an ass whoppin'. As I looked around I saw Tony my neighbor so I shouted to him in my gayest voice possible, "Tony! There you are!" Man hating lesbians don't seem to be as threatened by gay men. She bought it and walked away.

Drag King night turned out to be scary in general. These women would come out looking like men and dance and the other women would shout and cheer and give them dollars. They all were charged up and very aggressive. Given the choice I'd rather be on that bridge again then face to face with a woman who is ready to kick my ass in a gay bar.

The Atheist Delusion

I understand this guy is mocking Christians but in my opinion he is right about some of them. I enjoy all his videos.

Why you should hook your friend up with Zee

Hey, I know the reasons not to hook up your friend with Zee but this is why you should. I am a very good geek with a great heart who treats people good and treats a woman even better. I'm looking for a real relationship. I offer honesty, intellectually stimulating conversation, some good laughs, and a bit of adventure. As an added bonus I have a good job, a car, and I don't do drugs! Do you think your friend is up for it?

Online Fail Dating 03/03/09

Well, I haven't seen much new on the blogs I follow so I'm going to have to kill some time by writing another blog.

My modified online dating profile was successful and increased the number of responses. A woman that I originally started talking to on a different dating site, ChristianMingle.com, found my profile on the site I primarily use now which is PlentyOfFish.com. We started talking again and we are going to go out soon so I changed my headline to read, "Not Currently Looking." I have no desire to date more than one woman at once. I've been down that road and its confusing and not fair to anyone involved even if they say they are okay with it. Despite the headline I still get messages and this is an example of one of them which is fairly common.

Subject: "your awesome"

My awesome what? The subject alone I consider a fail.

Message: "hi there my name is jennifer. I am so impressed with your profile. i haved lived in Muskegon all my life and this town is hard to find a good thing in anymore. Good Luck in your search but i would love to chat with you sometime. im me at XXXXXXX. your sense of humor is good thing dont let anyone tell you differently. sorry i dont have a picture of my penis to send you. LOL"

I give her bonus points for her attempt at humor by referencing my joke in my profile about not responding to messages from women that include pictures of their penis. She really didn't expand on my joke at all but referencing it shows she actually read my profile. Granted there are a lot of online dating profiles that are full of grammical errors or TyPinG LikE tHIs but I took the time to use proper grammar and capitolization and such in writing my profile. I listed in my profile that I am looking for someone that is intelligent and intellectually stimulating. How much more time would it have taken for her to reread her message to me and at least try to write properly? Fail number two.

Out of curiousity I checked out her dating profile. It turns out that her daughter is much closer to my age then she is. I find shared life experiences are more important then age but I don't have any mommy issues either. Fail number three which adds up to an epic fail.

Am I picky when it comes to women? Extremely. Too picky? Perhaps, but I know what I want and what I don't want and I am happy being single. The girl that I'm currently interested in who I'm going out with soon does not live in the United States and I don't think I'll be able to make travel arrangements by this weekend so I probably won't be able to go for two weeks.

I post this blog with the assumption that the woman who wrote me this message will never read it. If you are the author of the message and read this please know that its not my intention to insult you and I hope you can perhaps find some constructive critism in it. That said, to anyone else I ask, is it inappropriate for me to post such a blog?

Story Time with Zee 03/02/09

The Gun in Thailand that Made Zee Piss his Pants... Almost

During the month I spent in Thailand I took a five day trip to the northern most point of Thailand in the Chiangrai province. It was on my trip to Chaingrai that I saw fields of opium, stayed in a hut that backed up to a whore house, and went to the Golden Triangle. The Golden Triangle is the area in southeast Asia where Thailand, Burma, and Laos meet and was named the Golden Triangle because it was the area that produced the most amount of opium in the world. In 1999 when I was in Thailand it was no longer legal to grow opium but it was still grown in some areas of Thailand and was commonly grown in Burma. While there my group decided to take a day trip to Burma because although everything is cheap in Thailand its even cheaper in Burma.

Burma is not a very stable country to this day and nor was it stable in 1999. There were a number of groups that claimed to be the official government including one military group that was lead by a 12 year old boy. I think they were referencing this in the movie "Tropic Thunder" if you have seen that movie.

My group consisted of two other Americans, three Thais, and myself. We stopped at a bank to get cash before we crossed the bridge that went over the river dividing Thailand from Burma. I could see the bridge from the bank and as the others got money out of the bank I stood outside and watched as people freely walked each way over the bridge. As I walked with my group across the bridge I walked along the edge and looked down at the rushing river that was below. I heard shouting but I didn't think anything of it at first since I could understand a word of it. We were just over halfway across the bridge and I realized the rest of my group had stopped moving and I was now at the front of the group. The shouting got louder and when I looked up I saw four men in military uniforms running at us from the Burma side of bridge with what looked like AK47's raised and aimed at us. The first one ran directly at me, I looked back at my group and they all had their hands raised in the air so I raised my hands in the air as well.

The first man stopped about five feet away from me with his gun aimed at my chest and shouted something. I kept my hands raised and said, "I'm sorry, I don't understand." The next two did the same thing to the other Americans and the fourth shouted the most and moved his gun around pointing it at all of us. It felt I stood there in confusion for hours with a gun pointed at me but in reality it was probably only seconds. Everyone in our group looked terrified but the oldest Thai gentleman started talking the the individual that was doing most of the shouting who seemed to be in charge. He then explained to the group that the toll to cross the bridge was 20 USD.

The entire time we stood there people walked past us and continued on towards Burma without paying any toll but I was more then willing to pay the toll. They lead our entire group across the bridge never lowering their guns. We went into a guard shack on the other side where we each gave 20 USD to the leader. Once we had paid the 'toll' they lowered their guns and the leader shouted another order. It was obvious that he did not understand the concept of an inside voice. It was translated to me that we could leave now but based on his tone and body language I believe he told us to get the fuck out.

Okay, I didn't actually piss my pants but I think that if I had not just used the bathroom I probably would have not only pissed my pants but also shat them as well.