My Shit List

Opa first introduced me to the concept of a shit list when I was around eight years old. People on Opa's shit list were people that crossed him and/or that he had no respect for. My uncle, his only son, was on his shit list more often then anyone else and my cousins tell me that Opa was not only on my uncle's shit list but he was at the top of it. For them the shit list resulted in exchanging angry words, not speaking to eachother, and eventually disowning eachother which resulted in four of my cousins never really getting to know Opa who I have always looked up to more then anyone else.

I have a mental shit list. The best way to get onto my shit list is stupidity but thats not the only way. My ex-wife is often on my shit list. Currently she is on the shit list for not letting me talk to my kids in the last 11 days. I call daily and get the answering machine and tell my kids that I love them and ask them to call me back. I have no idea if they ever get to hear the messages. I do know that they love me with all their hearts and they enjoy talking to me on the phone. I have a cousin who is on my shit list. He and his family disowned me a couple of years ago, can I still refer to him as my cousin since I haven't disowned him? He used to be my best friend but he turned his back on me when I went to jail. He never talked to me to find out my side of what happened and instead he spread rumors about me and as a result I lost most of the friends I had at that time. A co-worker is on my shit list because everytime he talks to me I feel myself getting more stupid.

I mentioned the damage Opa's and my uncle's shit lists did in my family so you might be wonder why I keep a shit list. I have learned more from Opa then anyone else but a good portion of what I have learned is how not to act. I am like Opa in many ways but I am very different to Opa in many ways as well. I don't disown family members that are on my shit list. I don't go out of my way to make life difficult for people that are on my shit list. I forgive the people on my shit list on a daily basis and take them off. There is one word on Opa's grave stone (other then dates and his name) and it is "Forgiven." Perhaps this is a statement of faith and knowledge that he has been forgiven for his sins. Perhaps he its his last words to all the people that were on his shit list letting them know that they are forgiven. I'd like to think its a combination of both and I am not going to wait until I die to forgive anyone.